Have you ever faced a moment where you had to decide—act decisively or hold back? That split-second choice can define outcomes and create lasting change.
Let me share the mindset that enables me to bring about instant shifts during retrospectives, turning delicate moments into transformative breakthroughs.
It was (as my wife likes to remind me) 40 kilos ago. I was a teenager in Paris, a city under the shadow of neo-Nazis and violent anti-Semitism. Synagogues were bombed, lives were shattered, and fear permeated the air. But fear didn’t define us.
A group of us decided we would not cower. Proudly wearing our kippahs, we walked the streets with courage, but we were not unprepared.
We trained relentlessly—12 hours a week under the guidance of Paris’s best martial arts senseis. Our training wasn’t just theoretical; it was practical.
It played out in the streets, defending Jewish kids from bullies, confronting those who attacked the elderly, and standing up against hatred scrawled on walls.
A street fight isn’t a Hong Kong movie.
It’s not Bruce Lee.
You have about 20 seconds to break your opponent’s will to ensure they don’t come back to harm you—or anyone else.
One lesson I learned, which has stayed with me throughout my life, is this: you never have to fight.
But if you decide to fight, make sure you won’t have to do it again.
Leave no doubt, no room for a second round.
This principle has transcended the streets and found its place in my professional life, particularly during retrospectives.
Retrospectives are like choosing whether to fight.
You don’t always have to address every delicate or complex situation.
Sometimes, it’s better to hold back, not raise the issue in front of the group, and instead handle it one-on-one.
That’s legitimate and often wise.
But other times, there’s an opportunity to fix a systemic issue once and for all. After all, retrospectives exist to improve the ecosystem, refine processes, and empower teams and their members.
When you choose to address a sensitive issue in a retrospective, it can be like cleaning a wound—it’s painful, but it’s necessary for healing.
These moments can become powerful, emotional sessions that leave a lasting impact and can easily spiral out of control if you’re not properly prepared.
In fact, I often advise participants of such sessions to wait an hour before driving home because of the emotional intensity.
The key is preparation.
You can’t improvise.
Just as martial arts require hours of training to perfect a single movement, handling tough discussions requires practice and readiness.
Stand in front of a mirror, rehearse, anticipate every reaction, and ensure you have total control of the situation.
When you’re prepared, you can decide: will you shoot or not?
And if you decide to shoot, don’t hesitate,
When you have to shoot… shoot, don’t talk!
